Beginning to think i won't be keeping this livejournal for very much longer

using it kind of lacks purpose.

Haven't written in awhile.  Not really much has happened  since last week. It's going to be weird not  going back to school in September  but  I won''t  really miss the academic part of it as much i'll miss the campus and my friends and professors.  Yesterday  I went to see Mamma Mia with my friend  Monica.  It was amazing. I think it was the best movie  I saw all summer besides Sex and The  City  of course i could just be biased to musicals.   I'm working on putting together a book of all the poems and short sories that I wrote since freshmen year... i still need to work out the manuscript and  i plan on self publishing it.   I was in contact with a publisher in   South Carolina  but thier  fees are really  expensive and I think it might be cheaper to  go to  Kinko's  and get it bound and make about 20 or  so copies to give to my friends.  This morning  I went to the Barn Playhouse to go see the Junior Intern Production of Tea for Two which was based on my  mom's book  What A Pest.  The show was amazing and it was awesome to see some of the kids  I directed in Bravery Soup and some of the girls who were in the  junior chorus of Annie Get Your Gun  again.  I got  all nostalgic when I went  to New London... i couldn't help it.  I'm not depressed at all  I swear!    I just remember last summer so fondly and miss everyone so tons. 


  and yeah i am so addicted to Patsy  Cline: The Definitive Collection!

Italy in less than a week ..... sooooo pumped!!!

Peace
Sweet Janine

I've decided  I want to get married  in Meredith.   It is so   gorgeous there and the lake is so beautiful.   I am kind of  bummed  I won't get the chance to see anymore shows @  Lakes Region  Summer Theatre. Hopefully  next summer.  Carosuel  was absoulutley amazing!     Another soundtrack  I will get easily  addicted to  I have a feeling.    I  didn't expect to like it as  much  as  I did because  I  hated the movie. The thing  with musicals that have movies adapted to them  is that I tend  to  be indecicve about   which  I like better.   In some cases the  play is much better than the film.    Carosuel  was  a very energetic show.   I think  my favorite  song from the show is June is bustin' out all over..follwed directly by  If  I Loved  You.    I can't help it if I love cheesy love songs.  It  was really nice to see my friends from the  Barn Playhouse again and my   former  boss Nancy. 

Speaking of theatre  I will be so busy this week doing tech work for the  play at the Boys'  and Girls Club. They are doing   Wonders of The World by David  Lindsay Abaire.  I am wicked excited  to  be  working on another Abaire  play.  I had  the biggest  blast ever working on Fuddy Meers this past semester.  People should definitly  come see it.  It opens on Thursday and runs til the 29th. Shows are  8pm M-S and 2pm matinee on Sunday.

The countdown til  Italy is running down so fast.  I  am  so stoked! It should be so much fun!

g2g

Janine

So releived! The  job search is finally over!   I got the call @ 3:15 this afternoon. I am  going to be working @ a call center in Manchester   as customer service  representative. I start my training on August 18th.  Horray!


 My life is starting to come together piece by piece. I couldn't be happier..

that was a nice trip down memory lane.. now to the present

This weekend   I went away to   Maine with my boyfriend.  I really wish the weather had been nice so we could have spent some time at the beach  but I had fun nonetheless.  We out to  lunch at a resturant in   York called  The Goldenrod. I have never eaten there  so  I was impressed with the  food and the service.  After  lunch we went to the  arcade that was on the Boardwalk which was fun.     We are suppsed to go to the  Interlakes Theatre to see Carosuel next Saturday but  I may  run into a road block with getting the time off from work. Hopefully my boss will be understanding because  my boyfriend and I made these plans a couple of weeks ago.  

Hopefully  the  job search will turn  up something soon.  I have an interview tomorrow for a call center job as a customer service rep in Nashua.   I also had an informational interview the other day at  Gateways   a place in Nashua that  gives people the opportunity to  do jobs for other people and  do stuff for eachother in return. For example if I was to work for them  I may get a job during office work but someone else  would in return teach me how to play the guitar.  Hopefully something becomes of that because that sounds like something   I could doubly benefit  from because I would be sharing my   talents with others and others would be sharing their talets with me

 Later
Janine

Disclaimer: People may  initially assume  that I am beating myself up in this entry..  but actually i am not.   I am actually beginning to realize how immature and  stupid I have acted in certain situations throughout all my four years of college. The purpose of this entry is  to realize how much  I neeed to mature and   i need to think of ways  I can grow from these  experiences.

When I  go back through  my old livejournal and my even older livejournal   from freshmen and sophomore year    I realize that  I still  have a lot of maturing and growing up to do.  I'm 22   turning 23 at the end of the summer but sometimes  I act  like   I  am still in middle school.     For example when  I was a freshmen and sophomore  I  was  really nervous and got myself anxious about tellling a guy  I liked them.  That is mostly how  I acted all throughout high school because   I was so afraid of rejection.  I guess my fear of rejection kind of came in to play   junior year when  I first started to date.   My second  exboyfriend  cheated on me with another girl and  it took me a really really long time to get over that rejection.    Looking back on that whole situation now  I realized that   getting all depressed  about  stuff like that is not worth it.. I was afraid to admit  it to anyone then  but  that was a majority of the reason why   I got  drunk at the Fully Loaded Party that I went to at  Jennie Leonard's apartment  before  school  ended.   That night was good... until i got  sick naturally.  If  I had not acted so stupid   I would have been able to  enjoy my time with my friends and stay longer.   I was never much of  drinker in high school to begin with.. and i don't even really drink a lot in  general because it doesn't interest me.    The lesson   that I learned from that particular night was  not to mix too many drinks together because that  is what made me so sick.  I  still can't figure out what  exactly did me in..   Kahlua and  Parrot Bay... there was something else  I had to drink that  I can't recall off the top of my head right now. I remember last summer at the Barn Playhouse  one night after  set strike   I was  having a convesation in the kitchen with Ramona, Christina, Nicolina  Ryan and Bobby  (going to cut and paste the entry from myspace blog that  I wrote on July 29th 2007 which  a majority of you have read already) 

I know that I bitch and complain  quite consistantly about how sucky my relationships have been over the past 6  or 7 months and  I adore all of you profusely  for putting up with my  bitching and complaining.  I don't want to push people away because lately all i've been seeing is the negative side of things and why my first two relationship  failed. I realize now that  I blamed  why my second relationship failed on myself unnecesiarly because after I was done being blinded by how awful  I was feeling about myself I realize that the reason he dumped me wasn't really my fault.  It was his.  He didn't respect me for  who  I was as a  person.... a person with morals  nonetheless and just wanted me  as a fuck buddy.   I'm not all for that kind of stuff at all.  This year  I  am hoping  for  a 100%  sincere type of relationship  where the feeling are mutual between the two parties  and the other person's main initivie is not to get me in to bed with them.    A relationship that is fillled with honesty, humor and compassion. There has to be  a boy on the NEC campus somewhere that has those type of qualites. I have wasted so much time with pointlesss crushes and  worrying about what other people think of me. As well going all ga ga over a guy that obviously does not feel the same way for me at all.     I had a crush on someone who I considered  a  close guy friend sophomore year and after I told  him  I liked him  I felt as if I kind of messed our friendship up.  It's time to move on from that too because  even though the crush is over and done with  it's dumb of me to waste my time on a onesided friendship  and while it could partially my fault for that one sure fire falacy of a crush that  was simply that a crush it's nothing for me to get all bent out of shape over. 

Key  Thing to realize  here is:  I need to  stop worrying about the past so much and focus on the present.  I think   part of my problem was based in the fact     that  I had a lot of trouble getting over my break up with my second exboyfriend and then  I reverted back to  the state of being nervous to ask a guy out.,.. which  is kind of dumb now that I think about it because  I should've taken the time to get to know that person better but  didn't because  I was too nevous worrying about  how he would react.     The same thing kind of sorta  goes for   everything related to  Will  Porter too.  I kind of let that drag on a little bit too long too. ...too long meaning six months too long.   That 's maturity on a whole different level because  I  have had an issue with getting too emotionally attached to people... that's what  happened  with  Will  when it comes down to the bottom line.  I got too emotionally attached to him.    I don't really want to  talk about that too much because i've already talked about it in  previous entries and i'm  kind of done with writing about it in here.. totally and completley done.  I don't want people  to start to think   I am depressed... because to be honest  that's how   I  was  during the whole fall semester because I was so worried that Will was going to forget about me..  I wonder if he ever caught on to that... most likely  he did,,, thats proably  part of  why he hasn't spoke to me.

 Reading  all of those entries makes me realize  how incredibly shallow I can be. Like how  I would stress myself out so much about getting good grades and comparing myself to all my friends who got on deans list.   The educational part of school  would've been a lot less stressful for me    if  I had  spent less time sizing myself up against other people.   The same   kind of thing applies for  auditioning for all the theatre plays too.... especiallly   when  I auditioned for The Apple Tree in  the spring of sophomore year. I know   I'm not that great at acting but  I just tried out anyway because  I   figured it would just be fun.    I  don't really know how  being   shallow and being immature   link together but   i think they must link together in some way shape or form. 


I need to grow up  that is truly the  bottom line  here.
 

Top  10  favorite Broadway Shows that i've seen either on Broadway or in community theatre
1. Rent
2, Chorus Line
3, The Producers
4. Little Shop of Horrors
5. Wizard of  OZ
6. Sound of Music
7. Beauty and The Beast
8, Cabaret
9 Hairspray
10  Grease
Top 10 Favorite Broadway Soundtracks
1. Rent
2. Avenue Q
3 Chorus Line
4. Cabaret
5. Little Shop of Horrors
6. Annie Get Your Gun
7. Annie
8, Les Miserables
9. Grease
10 Hairspray

Top Rated  Broadway Showtunes on my ipod
1. There's No  Business Like Show Business  Annie Get Your Gun
2,   Lullaby of Broadway 42nd Street
3. Two Ladies Cabaret
4. Maybe This Time  Cabaret
5,   Put on A Happy Face  Bye Bye Birdie
6, Summer Nights  Grease
7.   They Say It's Wonderful  Annie Get Your Gun
8.  Mushnik and Son  Little Shop of Horrors
9. Cell Block Tango Chicago
10 Suddnely Seymour   Little Shop of Horrors

Top 10 Favorite Showtunes from various musicals
1.  You Can't Stop The Beat  Hairspray
2. Castle on A Cloud Les Miserables
3. Hopelessly Devoted To You  Grease
4. Human Again Beauty and The Beast
5.   I Wish  I Could Go Back To  College Avenue Q
6. The  Internet  Is For Porn  Avenue Q
7, What I Did For Love  Chorus Line
8. We Go Together   Grease
9. There;s No Businesss Like Show Business Annie  Get Your Gun
10.  Suddnely Seymour  Little Shop of Horrors